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Merciful Darkness

An original found poem based upon the novel The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

photo via Flickr under the Creative Commons License

photo via Flickr under the Creative Commons License

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I became what I am today at the age of twelve,

the past claws its way out.

My past of unatoned sins,

knees drawn to my chest,

I was the snake in the grass, the monster in the lake.

Blameless blue,

blinding white,

I felt his glare on me like the heat of a blistering sun.

Let’s fly.

They feel from the sky like shooting stars,

it felt intoxicating.

You’re almost there, Amir agha.

I closed my eyes and loosened my grip,

then the moment came.

The blue kite.

 

Embrace him, acknowledge his worthiness,

He smiled his Hassan smile and disappeared around the corner.

Good old reliable Hassan,

He’d kept his promise and run the last kite for me.

Darkness would fall before I found Hassan,

followed the voices,

coming from one of the alleys.

Held my breath,

peeked around the corner.

Fists curled, legs slightly apart,

brown corduroy pants thrown on a head of eroding bricks.

Hassan didn’t struggle. Didn’t even whimper.

Assef’s quick, rhythmic grunts,

One final opportunity to decide who I was going to be.

In the end, I ran.

 

Panting,

sweating,

wishing things had turned out some other way.

I understood the nature of my new curse: I was going to get away with it.

I wondered how and when I’d become capable of causing this kind of pain,

shameful lies.

Hassan knew,

resignation,

it was the look of the lamb.

I had to pay, the lamb I had to slay,

to win Baba’s love.

Everywhere I turned, I saw signs of his loyalty, his goddamn unwavering loyalty,

for you, a thousand times over,

one of us had to go.

Then, mercifully, darkness.

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Merciful Darkness